New Year new… just kidding we all hear too much of that and I will definitely be sparing you that statement lol. But I will say this, it’s the new year and if you’re like me, I could spend some time refreshing my self care mindset.
One of the hardest parts of motherhood is prioritizing yourself.
It’s not a myth, it’s a fact, one us mothers know all too well.
And even though we know the fact, unfortunately that’s not enough to fix it.
Somewhere along the way between breastfeeding, dirty diapers, school plays, homework and extracurricular activities, we lose what it means to care for ourselves.
I know I have.
I first noticed it when Tate was 4 months old.
I looked in the mirror one day and didn’t realize the woman looking back at me.
I know people say that often, but really. I realized that the woman looking back at me in the mirror, that we hadn’t taken a moment and looked at each other through that shiny glass for a while.
I noticed it again when Tate was about 3 years old.
All the effort to make it a happy household with all the toys in the world but totally forgetting a happy household comes more from the people within than the things in it.
And then I finally noticed it again last year.
2021 was a year for the books. New Car, New house, new job.
But that year started off carrying baggage and stress from the previous year and about halfway through I realized amongst all the hard work to the goals, I lost the main goal: taking care of me.
By the end of 2021 the goal was refocused and prioritized.
What was the change you ask?
“Change your thoughts and you can change your world” -Norman Vincent Peale
The abundant truth in this statement is almost deafening.
Have you ever had a bad day and something as simple as a coffee changes your mood?
It wasn’t necessarily the coffee itself that did that for you, but your thoughts and feelings about the coffee that did.
Now I’m not saying every mindset shift everywhere is all about getting a coffee, though let’s be honest the coffee drinkers stand hard by their coffee.
Sometimes it takes a little more than coffee.
Sometimes it takes a good cry, or a few moments of silence in your car after work.
It doesn’t matter the activity, it matters what you do with your mind during that time.
For refreshing my self care mindset I always start at the beginning.
- What is the goal?
Well that should be simple right? Self care.
But let’s go deeper than that.
Is your goal for more self care? More intentional self care? More mental relaxation? More self love?
What are you craving and desiring from those moments to yourself?
For me, it’s usually more self love.
Now I know my friends who are reading this are like no one can have more self love than Aysia. And yes, it is true I tell myself I’m beautiful more times a day than most people probably do, but I don’t mean self love like that.
I moreso mean it in the sense of physically loving more on myself.
Nail salon visits, spa trips, journaling moments, cleaning my home. Things like that.
After I set the intention for the goal, I move on to the next part of refreshing my self care mindset.
- When is the time?
Throwing another quote at you here.
“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail”. – Benjamin Franklin
And it’s just that simple.
Don’t set the time for self care, it won’t get done.
Now let’s be realistic, we’re moms. We can’t plan to have 6 hours during the day for ourselves every day to go and visit the spa. But you can maybe set that time once a month right?
And because I believe in daily self care, it’s good to set smaller realistic goals too.
Baby nap time is reading time. An hour earlier waking up gives me time alone without my kiddo to be able to sit and write this blog post. An hour after the child is asleep but right before my bedtime can be the perfect time to sweep and reorganize my house for the next day.
Does that seem doable?
Taking the “time” topic a bit further let’s circle back on daily self care.
I know you read that mama and thought what the heck?
But the truth is, daily self care is what keeps you from feeling that true feeling of overwhelm and burnout.
Trust me, I know the feeling all too well.
Feel like you’re dragging to that once a month appointment.
But the idea is that you take some token of time for yourself DAILY.
Whatever it may be, just something that helps you check in with yourself.
And that brings me to my next and final point.
- What is self care?
And perhaps I could do a whole blog post on what this is.
But here’s the bottom line, no one can define your self care but you.
And since we’re on a quote kick.
“Self care is not self- indulgence, it’s self- preservation” – Audre Lorde
Self care is literally whatever you make it.
Self care is defined as “…taking action to improve one’s own health”.
Few important words there: action, improve, own
Action- whatever you do during the day that is the action. Face mask, stretching, affirmations in the mirror, even sitting in silence is an action.
Improve- whatever action you have done if you feel you have improved your emotional, physical or mental state afterwards, then you have a job well done.
Own- that’s it mama. Your self care is yours and yours alone. Don’t let anyone else define that for you.
The New Year seems to focus a lot on professional goals, financial goals, physical goals, but what about your mental and emotional goals?
Refreshing my self care mindset helps me with those goals, because those are just as important too.
Take care of you too mama,