I’m mad. I am furious. I am pissed.
I’m mad this injury is still going on. I’m mad this injury is allowing other boys to step up in his place at the moment. I’m mad that this injury is stealing his hope & drive. I’m mad they can’t fix this & find out how to make him better. I am trying to be team gophers but this is hard. It’s hard to see him on the sidelines and still cheer hard for the team. It’s hard to have to hold this image up that it’s fine he’ll be fine just taking some time off. I AM MAD. Just angry and I don’t have anywhere to channel this anger. I don’t have anyone to blame and that makes it worse. I’m trying not to sound bitter. It’s good I watch these games alone sometimes because I am over passionate when it comes to this man & his dream. I force myself to remember this is harder for him than it is harder for me. He’s the one actually injured and watching his dreams get put to a hault while I’m just watching from the outside.
Injuries are terrible. This time around he’s handling it so well and I am losing it on the inside this week. And this is not even nearly as bad as the last time. I want to scream to the football God’s and curse them for this. But then I remember everything happens for a reason. That this is all in His plan and who am I to argue with the plan. So I let go and I let God. Because I know His plan is greater than anything I can create in my wildest dreams. I let go this anger and I let go this defeat feeling. I have to let it go because there is nothing else to do…
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
and does not fear when heat comes;
for its leaves remain green.
and is not anxious in the year of drought
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17: 7-8 (ESV)