Isn’t it weird how social media works? You see a picture on a screen and you like it because you agree or are going through the same situation. 1200 likes later and you realize dang a lot of people feel this way. Isn’t it weird that on a planet so big with so many people you can all be experiencing the same things at different stages of your life?
I saw that picture above today and I saw how many likes it had. Already 2,000 and it had been up for only a handful of minutes. Coinciding with a conversation I had today it made me think man, did every mom go through this?
I am a very independent person. I tend to like to get things done on my own and by myself. Because you know, “I can do it!” Insert Rosie the Riveter picture here. One of my self- proclaimed flaws is that I don’t like to fail. From the time I was in school I can remember not answering questions sometimes in class because I didn’t want to give the wrong answer. After having Tate I realized years later, this still stood true.
I am his mother and I do NOT want to fail.
I’m not sure why us as mothers equate asking for help with failing. But that picture above with its 2,000 likes tells me that a ton of us do.
In one of my previous post I touched on how some of the statements made by people around us can cause us to feel insecure. But truthfully even if it wasn’t for the people around us, us mothers do it enough all on our own.
I needed help. I needed a lot of it. Tate was waking up every hour and when he did sleep, he wanted only to be in my arms. My laundry was piling up so high it couldn’t even fit it in the basket anymore. My house well, I can’t even tell you the last time I cleaned it. And cooking? I’m sorry I don’t think you should trust me with a hot stove right now with my lack of sleep. Everything around me screamed ask for help. But I just couldn’t do it.
Something inside me said that if I asked for help, even from my child’s own father, that I was failing. Something inside me screamed, “you can do this”! Insert that Rosie the Riveter picture again.
And the truth is I can do this, and I did. By myself. But what did I sacrifice in return? What had to suffer from my need to do it all alone? Tate? My relationship? My sanity?
Finally I got overwhelmed. I quickly realized even if I can do it all alone I shouldn’t have to. So I did it. I asked for help. Probably a lot later than it needed to be but so what, I did it. And you know what? Just because I had to ask for help doesn’t make me any less of a mother. The same way that doing it all on my own doesn’t make me any more of a mother.
I’m not quite sure what we have to change in ourselves or society to reverse this belief pattern. I’m not sure who it starts with or where it ends. But mama I just want to let you know it’s okay. You ask for help. From your man, from your mom, from his mom, shoot from the neighbor! Take all the help you can. Because though you probably can do it all on your own, you don’t have to.