How many times have you openly asked for help in motherhood mama?
Seriously I want you to take a moment and think about this question.
If you have done it more times then you can count on one hand then you’re a master and you can just click off this blog post now.
But for the rest of us mamas, this is one of the main things we struggle with.
From the time Tate was a tiny infant I remember feeling a sense of failure if I asked for help.
I felt as if I would be labeled as a mother that couldn’t take care of her kid.
And the reality is, the only person labeling me as that, was myself.
My Help Journey
How do I know if you need help if you don’t ask?
This was Tate’s dad’s question that quickly put me in check.
He was right.
You know the saying, “closed mouths don’t get fed”.
I was tired of not being fed.
I was worn out, stressed, filled to the brim and so much more.
It was simple, I needed help.
That first ask for help is like ripping off a band-aid; once you do it, you won’t stop.
Now I don’t mean that in a sense of, “everybody else constantly has your kid” because I’m sure that’s the first thought.
But I meant I no longer had to juggle my grocery cart and the baby, I’m okay with letting someone else put the cart back.
I no longer had to go without a nap just so the baby could be cared for. Insert daddy daycare.
There’s so many ways you can ask for help, you just have to know how to do it.
3 Steps Process to Asking for Help
First, change your mindset.
I know I know, at this point I’m like the mindset recorder: “change your mindset, change your mindset, find a new mindset”, but the reality is this simple step changes every other subsequent one.
Step 1: Mindset
This actually is my first point. You have to change your mindset on this “stigma” of help. If we don’t change it then we will never actually ask for help. Sounds simple right? But it just might actually be one of the hardest steps. Before Tate’s dad asked me that question I was stuck in my mind that asking for help was negative and the reason he didn’t help automatically was because I “shouldn’t have been asking for help anyways”. When in reality he wasn’t thinking that at all! In your mind you have to create the shift from asking for help being a giving away of power/ responsibility to a sense of support and assistance (to you, the boss *wink wink*)
Step 2: Life assessment
Where do you need the help? Is it babysitting, is it cleaning, is it meal prep, is it school drop offs, etc. Finding out where you need help in motherhood makes it much easier to take the next step in actually acquiring the help. Before I could decide the type of help I needed, I had to first figure out where I needed the help. Assess your life and find your high stress points, activities that you love to do, activities you hate to do, and activities you’re indifferent about. This little hierarchy activity can really help you assess where the true need is.
Step 3: Getting the Help
Simple but not so simple last step. It’s time to get some help! You’ve decided where you need the help so now it’s time to go get it. When I started working I knew I needed a nanny, not just because of my work hours but because it helped ease my mind and made it easier for me to focus on what I needed to get done. Here’s a list of my fav places to find help:
- Pinterest (helped more with task hacks)
- Experienced moms/ mom blogs
There are so many more places and ways to ask for help then I’m sure you (or me) are aware of. These are just the places that helped me.
This help journey isn’t just for new moms with a newborn, this is for the mom wanting to reinvent her time, for the mom overwhelmed and too busy for life, or just a mom who wants to reorganize the way she already gets help.
Throughout the motherhood walk we will need help. Whether big or small outsourcing is one sure way we can take care of us and our family at the same time.
Take care of you too mama,