How are you?
A simple phrase that acts as a conversational piece to many conversations, but for some reason in regards to the new mama… this piece is forgotten.
This past week Meghan Markle was seen in an interview in which the reporter is asking her questions about the effects of the royal chair (i.e. media scrutiny) on her emotional and mental state as a new mother.
In the interview Meghan is seen emotionally discussing how being a new mother and a new wife is hard and how added pressures make it harder. She also proceeds to thank the reporter for him asking about her well being because no one has asked her that since the baby’s birth.
We all know the routine, honestly we probably have fallen victim to it.
Mom has a new baby and we’re so excited to get that newborn baby smell filled within our nostrils that we sometimes forget the tired and worn-out mother. We rush in the house with one goal in mind. We race to baby and begin to take in smells and cuddles- completely forgetting to care for the mama.
I recently wrote a blog post about ways to help out a new mother. This posts was all about making things easier for the newborn mom.
When Tate was a baby I heard the joke plenty of times, “Nobody cares about you anymore after you have a baby”. The reality is though people said it jokingly that was the truth. People I hadn’t heard from in years wanted to come over and visit us. When they came over their main focus was to cuddle and play with Tate. Understandably so- I mean he was super cute. But believe it or not I needed them too.
Similar to what Meghan Markle said, when those visitors came it’s like they forgot to ask how I was, or if they did it was with all eyes on baby. Very few people came and truly wanted to know about ME.
This statement by the Royal Princess makes me realize 3 very simple things about Millennial Mamas:
- Suffering in silence is a real thing for us. Throughout the video of the interview you can see the Duchess fighting back tears so much it’s almost painful to watch. Her intention to maintain a certain image and demeanor is seen all over the screen. No mother wants to openly talk about her cracked nipples and her hating her breast feeding journey. No mother wants to admit she hasn’t felt like herself in weeks. And no mother definitely wants to admit that right now she hates motherhood. So what do we do? We suffer in silence. We suffer through the long days and even longer nights. Why? Let’s head to point two.
- Pressure from the “outside” is more prominent now then ever for us. Meghan Markle’s response to the reporter: “… you add this (media) to the pressure of being a new mom…” As a millennial mom we don’t only have our parents giving unsolicited advice but we have that of social media as well. On a much smaller scale we understand exactly what Megan says when she states it’s just a lot of pressure. Between the pressure to succeed, pressure to impress our parents and peers, and pressure to be the new famous “youtube mother”, us millennial moms are under a lot of scrutiny and at some point it takes a toll.
- Life goes on. With a baby in tow, Meghan Markle continues to be the fabulous Duchess of Sussex that she is. With her always crisp-and-clean outfits motherhood just sort of looks like another hat she wears well. With a bag full of emotions, she is persistent with her efforts towards her bullying campaign. That is a lot like Millennial parenting. We are doing exactly what Beyonce said “bear the children then get back to business”. Millennial moms are having babies then getting right back to work, school, starting businesses, etc.
Being a mother is hard. It not only takes a toll physically but emotionally and mentally as well. It causes you to redefine who you think you are, changes your purposes in life and most importantly helps you find a love you never knew existed.
The next time you see a new mama– don’t just ask her about the baby or try to schedule a visit for squishy baby smiles. Ask her what you can do for her and then most importantly, do it.
Take care of you too mama,